Firstly, let’s deal with that whole Mayan thing shall we? To quote Morpheus from the Matrix films ‘WE ARE STILL HERE’ and another apocalypse has been and gone without really throwing this little planet into non-existence. So suck it ancient civilization that hasn’t existed for hundreds and hundreds of years!
That said, there are a few traditions expected around this time of year aside from the omni-present threat of global catastrophe, such as eating so much your stomach resembles a beach ball and for internet critics like me, the end of year round up. So without further ado I present ThePageBoy’s end of year awards for 2012 – light, easily digestible reading suitable for gazing at whilst summoning the will to devour yet another mince pie. ThePageBoy will be back soon, new and improved, so may your Christmas be happy and your new year, however you celebrate it, apocalypse free.
The Minor Awards For Irritation in Cinema:
Franchise that has long overstayed it’s welcome:
The Winner – The Expendables 2
There comes a time when you reach the age that taking part in explosions and acts of daring do start to look a little ridiculous. When, even for the notoriously camp genre that is action movies, you start looking slightly undignified. Now, to most sane people that age would be your late 60’s but that doesn’t stop The Expendables 2 does it!? Neither does horrible acting and dialogue (written by Sylvester Stallone is the very definition of damning by faint praise) and a shameless pandering to the nostalgia dollar that makes everyone involved look cheap. Still will that stop them making a third one? No. Although for the sake of the rapidly diminishing dignity of all concerned I hope they see sense and just…stop.
The Winner – Total Recall
A re-boot is a chance for a fresh new creative team to put their own stamp on product, exploring a new angle or building on the world created in the original. Sadly, when Len Wiseman is involved that doesn’t seem to be an option. An unmitigated flop, the film quickly sank without trace. For those of you who didn’t see it and are wondering what you missed, the answer is nothing. Go watch the original in all of its trashy cinematic charm and remember that Arne is now in danger of losing the credibility films like THAT won for him.
Biggest Career Switch
The Winner – Robert Pattinson
From Twilight. To Cosmopolis. He went from Twilight to working with David Lynch and making films about the dark side of capitalism. In the stroke of a single movie he managed to alienate the Twi-hards and prove that he was capable of turning in a decent performance going beyond his range of looking broody. Sadly, he followed it up with the uniformly awful Bel-Ami, so one can only hope that the next choice he makes is slightly better, though I am not holding out much hope – it might be that brooding whilst covered in glitter is the only think he can do.
Best Career Turn Around
The Winner – Ben Affleck
Ben Affleck is, without a shadow of a doubt, a terrible actor when left to his own devices. Fortunately he’s proven to be a really talented director and writer, even capable of turning in a decent performance when he’s in control of the material question. In the space of a few years he went from Daredevil to Argo. Now THAT is impressive. Gone Baby Gone, The Town and his latest film have put him in line for Oscar nominations .If this keeps up 2013 will be a very very good year for the former Mr Jennifer Lopez.
Most Interesting Ideas
I’ve always been a fan of horror, but in recent years it has been nothing short of depressing. Thankfully Joss Whedon came along and managed to revitalize the horror genre with a dash of meta knowledge, a sense of humor and crucially, some fresh ideas. One of the best horror films in years and one of the best films of 2012 hands down.
Most Interesting Mess
The Winner – Holy Motors
The Winner – What to Expect When Your Expecting
Based on the pregnancy guide of the same name! If this doesn’t tell you just how bad this film is, I’m not sure you read or understood the previous sentence.
Best Adaptation that not enough people saw:
The Winner – We Need to Talk About Kevin.
Based on the stunning novel of the same name I had always thought that this had the potential to be a great film. But I never thought that the job they would do would be this good. It took five years of delicate development and finance negotiations brought this film to the big screen and it was so so worth the wait. Directed by the bright new talent of Lynne Ramsey and starring the indomitable Tilda Swinton it is one of the finest British made films of the last few years, beautiful, well made and horrifying in equal measure. Go see it – and go read the book.
Best Film and Best Adaptation that Everyone saw
Here it is – the big one, the best film of 2012 and it just so happened to be an adaptation making this year a very good one indeed for ThePageBoy. So here it – THE AVENGERS! Both the best action movie and the best adaptation of the entire year the Avengers was an absolute joy to sit through from beginning to end. What was the most fun was watching Joss Whedon and the rest of the Marvel team mange to complete the mad-cap idea of putting comic style continuity into big blockbusters. It was amazing to watch a film with smart ideas, intelligence and a sense of humor pull of a slice of audacious movie making. Roll on the sequel! (And how often do I get to say that!?)
Well that’s the big awards out the way…What did you think of 2012’s cinema?